Rape culture means we teach girls to avoid getting raped instead of teaching boys not to rape. That’s backwards

In our society, we’ve become far too familiar with teaching girls from a very young age how not to get raped, while constantly failing to teach boys not to rape. While it’s important to know how to protect yourself, this approach is deeply flawed. Instead of fixing the root of the problem, we try to hide from it.

At the end of the day, being raped is out of your control. You can take every precaution, but if someone decides to violate you, they will. In that moment, you might freeze, forget everything you learned, or be unable to use the tools you were taught. What would actually make a difference is ensuring boys are taught not to rape in the first place.

Boys don’t just become rapists overnight. Those behaviors are shaped, encouraged, and normalized from a young age. By changing the way we raise boys, we can start to address one of the biggest issues in our society: rape.

Where It All Starts

Rape is not about sex. It’s about power, control, and a lack of empathy. It starts early, when we teach boys that it’s okay to ignore someone’s “no” or their feelings. We raise boys to think they’re entitled to other people’s bodies.

No one has the right to your body. We do an excellent job of teaching that to girls, but we fail miserably at teaching it to boys. This shouldn’t be difficult—if we can successfully teach girls these boundaries, we can teach boys the same.

To raise boys not to rape, we need to shift the focus early to respect, consent, and accountability. If we can instill those values from the start, we’re already halfway there.

Why Prevention Starts Early

Beliefs can change over time, but the core beliefs you’re taught as a child tend to stay with you forever. That’s why we can’t wait until high school to teach boys about respect and consent is too late. We need to start in kindergarten, when those core beliefs are still forming.

We can teach consent and respect through simple, everyday activities like playing. For example, when a child doesn’t want to play, instead of forcing another child to join in, we can teach that “no” must be respected. These early lessons help build an understanding of boundaries that will carry into adulthood.

Think of it like building a house: if the foundation is weak, the whole structure eventually crumbles.

Talking About Consent: Early and Often

Consent isn’t something you explain once and expect a child to understand. It requires ongoing conversations and practical examples.

Here are key lessons boys should learn early:

• Consent means asking first and listening to the answer. Ignoring a response—or not asking at all—is not consent.
• Silence is not a yes. Even if the “vibe” feels like a yes, it’s never worth crossing that line. Silence can mean discomfort, fear, or hesitation—but never consent.
• Anyone can change their mind. Sometimes someone says yes and later realizes they don’t want to continue. That decision must be respected immediately.

The best way to teach consent is by modeling it in daily life. Encourage kids to ask before taking a toy, giving a hug, or sitting next to someone. When respect for boundaries becomes part of everyday behavior, it becomes second nature.

Teaching Empathy: Seeing Through Someone Else’s Eyes

Empathy is one of the strongest tools against violence. When boys can imagine how someone else feels, they’re less likely to cause harm.

You can encourage empathy through:

• Reading books that explore emotions
• Discussing how others might feel in certain situations
• Praising caring behavior, not just achievements

Empathy shifts the mindset from “I want this” to “Would this hurt someone else?” That simple change makes all the difference.

Breaking Down Toxic Masculinity

Many boys grow up hearing harmful messages like:

• “Boys don’t cry.”
• “Be a man.”
• “Take what you want.”

These ideas create toxic masculinity, which encourages suppression, dominance, and entitlement. Instead, boys should learn that real strength comes from kindness, vulnerability, and respect.

Being a man should mean being emotionally aware, compassionate, and brave enough to express feelings. A real man is confident enough to cry, to care about others, and to value emotional honesty.

By teaching boys to embrace their emotions instead of suppressing them, we rewire their understanding of what strength really is and build a healthier, more empathetic society.

Moving Toward a Future of Respect

A world where boys are taught respect from day one is a safer world for everyone. When boys learn empathy, consent, and kindness early, we all benefit.

Sexual assault might never completely disappear, but its frequency can drastically decrease. Women wouldn’t have to live on constant alert, and could finally move through the world without fear.

Teaching boys not to rape isn’t about fear or blame, it’s about education, empathy, and empowerment. It’s about raising men who understand boundaries, communicate openly, and stand against violence.

Change starts at home, in classrooms, and in everyday conversations. By raising boys who respect others and take accountability for their actions, we become part of a movement that can make this world a safer, more compassionate place.