How to speak up
Our society isn’t really welcoming,
when it comes to woman speaking up. Women are often told they are too attractive to be smart, or that woman shouldn’t be smart it makes her look bad. They purpose of saying this, is to make women feel uncomfortable about speaking up. See our society see’s woman who speaks up as a threat, speaking up means she holds the power and they obviously don’t like that. Speaking up means you have knowledge and are smart, but what our society fails to realise is that all of us are smart even if we don’t speak up, we might hide it, but everyone is smart inside. Some people hide it because they feel like it, some hide it so they don’t want to feel uncomfortable.
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The bottom line
is that women don’t feel comfortable speaking up about something they have a lot knowledge about and a lot to say about. It is not right to make someone feel uncomfortable speaking up, every human has right to speak up. And it is really sad seeing powerful women not being able to speak up. But I get it I have been there too, we as women no matter how strong we are, we are taught not to speak up and we do this, but we shouldn’t do it. We have as much right to speak up as men do, so today my beautiful queens I will give some simple tips how to gain confidence to speak up. This could be when speaking up regarding issues like sexism, disrespect as well as just in general at work place.
-Take small steps:
At first it is quite scary speaking up, so you can start by practicing with someone you trust. Practice with a friend, just pretend as if she was some stranger or your boss and your are expressing how you feel about certain situation. Practice as much as you can, so you get comfortable with it. You can even practice in front of mirror, but I do feel practicing with someone will help you out more, because they can give you feedback and you can make improvements if there is something to improve. Just practice and with every practice you will get better and better.
-Identify Occasions You Feel Comfortable Speaking
Maybe there were situation, where you were able to speak up. Think about it why were you able to speak up then? Acknowledge why it was good thing to speak up in this situation. Maybe you did something to prepare yourself for what, what was it? Addressing this can help you out build confidence to speak up in other situation too. Knowing the benefits of speaking up, can help you out a lot. You might still be scared, but it will push you to do it anyways knowing the all good that will come with it.
-Write down what you are going to say
I personally know whenever just say in my head what I am going to say, I end up say something completely different. We humans don’t function well, just by saying in head especially when you are going to have uncomfortable conversation. So writing it down will help you, you don’t need to write all details, but important points will help. I also think writing down will help you memorise it and then you might not even need to use notes. But it is good to help you stay on track, and knowing you will say exactly that will build up your confidence.
-Get out of comfort zone:
Getting out of comfort zone has so many benefits, and also will build up your confidence in speaking up. It can be something that is directed to communication for example go to networking event and try to introduce yourself and speak with people, or maybe go traveling by yourself. It can be anything that you wouldn’t do, but of course even better if communication is involved. We are so used to being in our little bubble and getting outside of it, can really help us grow. Give me some good ideas for out of comfort zone in comments I might do some of them!
-Find your voice:
I think for anyone it is important find their voice before speaking up. What is the goal of that conversation? What are you trying to gain from it? Who will you help with it? Who will you inspire? Why is your voice worth being heard? All these little things can really help you boost your confidence and motivate you to speak up. Even if the answer is I am trying to help myself get better salary is good enough reason. Our brain works well with having reason for doing something and if the reason is very positive and can help someone even better. So try doing this, write down and repeat many times before speaking.
-Take Action, Rather Than Seeking Perfection First:
Confidence won’t come if you just sit around, it comes by taking action. You take action and there you go your confidence is up, you sit your confidence is down. So you might not have confidence to speak up, but if you do it regardless you will gain confidence for next time. So step up and take action.
-Focus On Facts, Not Emotions:
When speaking up you can get emotions, you are in a way expressing how you feel, but leave emotions for later. It was proven when speaking up, when you focus on facts and go straight to the point and not involve your emotions, you will perform better in conversation.
-Pay Attention To Your Body And Verbal Language:
Your body and verbal language is as important as the conversation when speaking up. How you hold yourself can help you out a lot so people take you seriously. Straightening your shoulders can really help you out as well as other things. One way to practice is to video tap yourself and then let someone give you feedback. Getting coach for this can also be very helpful. The way you hold yourself can really boost your confidence.
-Let Go Of Outcomes:
So many people are too focused on outcome. I feel people don’t like the idea they might get rejected or that they wouldn’t bring their point across. I get it, it is not the best feeling, but honestly so what at least you tried. You need to learn that you can’t control how others will react, the only thing you can do is speak up and see how they react, but not worry too much about it.
-Be An Advocate For Others:
Helping others with their struggles, can help you out a lot. It can boost your confidence, the feeling of being needed and that you helped someone has big impact on your confidence. And also it makes you feel you have some knowledge, which will motivate you to speak up. Feeling you know what you are doing, can really be helpful. Of course boosting your confidence shouldn’t be the reasons for helping someone, but I would say it is for sure a bonus.
These tips are
quite easy, but will have big impact on your confidence to speak up. Speaking up is never easy, even for people who do that often, but it is a must to success in life. People can’t know how you feel unless you tell them, so you got to open your mouth. By speaking up you don’t also free yourself from your feelings, but also you gain respect by speaking up. Trying practicing and applying these tips in your daily routine, and you will be pro in no time.
I used to let my twin sister do all the talk for me, and would never speak how I feel. Today it is different story. I am more than comfortable calling people out, and speaking up if there is anything I don’t like in every aspect in my life. I am more than confident to go up to my boss and tell him if I don’t like something. All it took was working on being more comfortable with speaking up and of course gaining more confidence. You can be this too just by practicing everyday.
Hopefully this can help anyone struggling with speaking up. You can do it, I believe in you!
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