What not to be around Sexual Assault Victims Quiz

Being a sexual assault victims is not easy. Having gone through this awful experience is something no one should go through. It is also something not everyone can understand. As friends and family of the sexual assault victims you do have to be aware of what kind of language you use around them. Even one word can trigger them into bad depression and have make healing process longer. Of course no one is to blame, you can’t know when you have’t been trough this. This why I am here to help.

With this quick quiz you can be aware

of your knowledge and learn what is missing by doing this quiz. It is easy and fast tool. You can always redoit and don’t worry if you even get all the answers wrong, by doing this quiz you will be ready. So let’s get started:

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Wrong: You’ve slept withs many people though

People can sleep with as many people as they want to. It is their body so they choose what they want to do with it. There is no wrong way of treating your body. Some people happen to love sex more, some less. It someone had many partners doesn’t mean they deserve to be raped. It is a crime regardless of their sexual background.

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Wrong: Did you say no? What were you doing there?

There is way too often victim blaming, because our society want to ignore the real problem which is the rapist. Victim blaming can cause victim to go into very dark place. A thought of them being the reason that his happened to them, could destroy them. These kind of questions makes them question themselves. It is common of victim to not say no, when your mind noticed something bad is about to happen, you freeze.

The right term for that

is called flight and fight response you can google it. But you basically are left speechless you barley speak and can even say no. Regardless of the situation any normal person would not, this is not right and they shouldn’t be doing it. No one has right to access your body without you give permission. They need to make sure you 100% want it otherwise it is sexual assault.

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Wrong: How could you even put yourself in that position?

You should never make them feel, they are to blame. It is not the right way to approach the situation. You blaming them will turn into them blaming themselves and that won’t be good for recovery. Getting raped can happen to anyone, at any time and at any place.

It can happen during

the day at public place, but also at club. You can’t restrict yourself from doing things you enjoy because there are rapists out there. It happened and victim is not to blame. The rapist shouldn’t done it and that is it! Ask them how to support them. This will make them comfortable and easier to open up to you.

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Wrong: Weren’t you drunk? How can you be sure you didn’t want it?

Having sex with someone while they are drunk is called a rape. Doesn’t matter if they wanted or not, it is still a rape. When someone is drunk they mind is all over the place, and they can’t think straight. Because of that their decision when they are drunk can be different from when they are sober. Knowing someone is drunk, you have responsibility to stop and if not you are being aware that you are raping someone.

Of course someone being drunk

is perfect for rapist, it is so easy to rape someone and so many rapists take advantages of someone being drunk to get away with it. If you want to be sexually active, you have to take responsibility, and that means learning about consent and knowing when it is given. Unwanted sexual experience can traumatise someone for life. Entourage the victim that speaking up about it, is a good thing and that they should keep speaking about it. Keep telling them that going through this experience make her stronger.

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Wrong: Don’t tell anyone, it can ruin your future.

Sharing your experience, can only brighten your future. This is something you had no control over and also nothing to be ashamed about. If you were a rapist there would be plenty to be ashamed about, but you were victim. If someone thinks badly of you because of this experience, it makes them a coward. But most people would not think badly about you, because you have been raped. Most people will admire how strong you are. You shouldn’t be putting wrong ideas in victims head, it is not right. You should be telling them, how wonderful they are and how loved they are.

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Wrong: I told you there was something off about them.

If they even get slight feeling they could have done something differently, they will start blaming themselves. Don’t make it harder on them. Make them feel that whatever they have done was enough. They couldn’t prevent that from happening. Trust me saying I believe you will do them much more. Maybe I believe you is not big deal, but when you keep hearing you are making this up, when you hear someone say I believe you it makes you 100 times much better.

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Wrong: What were you wearing?

It doesn’t matter what you were wearing. Rapists rape for power not because of what you were wearing. Some straight rapists tend to rape gay people or even rape children. It doesn’t matter, you should be allowed to wear whatever you want to. No one should control what you wear or be triggered by what you wear. Know that way too many times it has been proven that clothes just didn’t matter. So instead of questioning them, ensure them their clothes didn’t matter. What they wore what not the reason. It is important for them to hear that

So how well did you do it?

And as I mentioned not having all the answers correct, doesn’t mean you are not ready. Reading through the entire article will make you ready, so make sure you read everything I wrote under the questions. Don’t be too hard on yourself, when you haven’t been through something like this it is hard to understand, But I feel sexual assault is very taboo topic and need more attention.

Like view years ago

I didn’t know much about this topic either and thought certain things that people do are fine, but I learned they are not. I learned a lot from following accounts that are focusing on this topic, and reading a lot about it, but also when you yourself go through this experience you learn the most by experiencing this yourself. It is way easier to learn when you have been through this, and much harder when you haven’t been through this.

This is very hard experience to go through and I don’t wish on anyone, but also when people speak up about it, it does bring awareness to this topic.

Hopefully you learned something from this article, and if there are any questions please write in comments!

Reminder: The language you speak with sexual assault victims matters!

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10 Reasons I’m Feminist

Reasons I’m Feminist

Although some people strongly disagree with feminists I see true power in feminism. Being feminist isn’t just for women, it is for all of us. It is shaping us to be better versions of ourselves, and to think for ourselves and not what we are taught to believe. Feminism is also helping us fix the messed up system we live in, that will eventually be beneficial for all of us. Everyone earning enough money, plus working less which means more freedom, isn’t this beneficial for all of us? If you would be more open minded, you would see the beauty of feminism. Anyways here are some reasons I’m feminist and think everyone else should be too:

-The belief that women shouldn’t be smarter than men and if you are no man will want you is the reasons I’m feminist:

We are all smart in our own unique ways, and women are smart too. The belief that a woman who is a smart is no good for any man is ridiculous. Feminism is showing that this is not true, and you can find a man when you are smart. Having a smart woman around him is priceless and every man’s biggest dream trust me!

-Because even though I am not too worried about, many women are scared to walk alone at certain time:

Yes this world is crazy, that a human being has to worry about walking alone at the night. It is not okay, what if she wants to walk by herself sometimes? She can’t do this, because our society allowed men to become aggressive towards women, so now women are too scared. Feminism is fighting this issue by helping women be more confident and bringing awareness to men and that being aggressive is not cute.

-Because a woman in a room full of men is terrified is the reasons I’m feminist:

If a man is in a room full of woman, he is loving his life feeling his is the start, but when is other way around it is different story. Men make us feel uncomfortable, they make us feel less and they don’t take us seriously. We shouldn’t be afraid to walk in the room full of men, we should own this shit. But even confident woman would feel scared, because they make you feel this way. Feminism is teaching women to not be afraid and own their power.

-Because women’s value shouldn’t be based on her sexual history:

Yes it is disgusting how they value us based on our sexual history. My sexual history is only my business and regardless what I have done sexually it doesn’t define me who I am as a person. We are all different and what we do sexually is different others and that is fine, we are allowed to do whatever feels right. Feminism taught me that what I did sexually doesn’t define me, and that I am still worthy regardless of what I did.

-Because of sexist comments:

To be disrespectful to a woman just because she is a woman is not okay. To discriminate her with your rude comments is not acceptable. Sexism has been in our society for long time and needs to go aways. Feminism is fighting this huge issue we have be dealing with.

-People like to shame women for focusing on their careers:

Woman can focus on her career is up to her. She doesn’t have to do anything society wants her to do. It is all up to her, and no one has right to shame her for it. It this is what she wants, she is doing the right thing.

-Because being called a “girl” is considered a bad thing:

Our society likes to make girls seems like they are weak, not able to succeed or do anything in life, which is so false. All humans are amazing and regardless if you are man or a woman, you should be proud of it. No one should shame you for being that.

-Because it is more humiliating to be raped than to be a rapist:

When woman gets raped it is all her fault, they consider her dirty and not pure anymore. But they never shame rapist and it is never really his fault. If he raped her, her being dirty is all in his hands. She couldn’t control it, he forced her to do it so making her feel shitty is not okay. Feminism is fighting this mindset so people consider rapist as dirty and not the victim.

-Because no one should be afraid of losing their job, because they call out their bosses for harassment:

No one should be harasst by their boss. That is not okay, and this totally isn’t nice working environment. Bosses should learn not to harass their employees, it is not acceptable. Everyone has right to call out their boss for bad behaviour without losing their job.

-Because young girls are worrying more about how much eating instead of enjoying their youth:

Our society is giving young girls unrealistic beauty standers. Young girls are way too young to be worrying about how much they eat. They shouldn’t even care about it, as long as you enjoy what you are eating who really cares. We shouldn’t change ourselves, because our society thinks the only way you are beautiful is if you are skinny. We are all beautiful in our own unique ways and we don’t need to change, our society needs to change! Feminism is helping beautiful young girls accept themselves and love for who they are.

Being a feminist is something

I am really proud of. Feminism is opening eyes to so many, and helping them in so many ways. They helping so many feel better about themselves, it is freeing them over ridiculous pressure our society puts us on. It is wonderful community to be part of and I entourage everyone to join and be feminist. You can simply join by just being your true self.

Reminder: Always stay true to yourself

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Solution to inequality

In last week’s article I talked about why women get less salary and today I will be talking about how we can change this, how companies, but also you can change this. This issue has been around forever so changing it, won’t happen over night or just by one person. It really needs for everyone to say stop we need a change. So here is solution to inequality

SOLUTION: DESIGN SENIOR ROLES TO WORK FOR ALL:

Companies have all excuses how for Senior position you need this and that, just so women don’t get senior position. We live in modern world now, where flexibility is possible for anyone. From having ability to work from home to many amazing tools that we have today. We can always come up with excuses why we can’t do something, how about we start designing senior positions that suits for both women and men.

I am sure anyone can do this, it is honestly way easier to design position that suits both men and women. I also feel in this case men do have to step up and call out CEO’s on this bullshit. Men need to be part of change, by refusing to take position that are only suited for men. And also it is quite easy for companies to create position for just men, when men allow women to work less, while they still work full time. When you have family don’t give the woman all the responsibility, while you are able to work and build you career it is not far. When you responsibility is divided in half, it will be harder for companies to create position that are only suited for men.

**SOLUTION: CREATE QUALITY FLEXIBLE JOBS THAT ALLOW WOMEN AND MEN TO BALANCE AMBITION WITH CARING RESPONSIBILITIES**

Even though in our society it is the man who is allowed to work full time and build up his career, but at the same time our society makes it so hard for men to work part time. This bias that men have to work full time, that you won’t be able to build up your career with part time job needs to be cut off.

Of course men will work full time to build their careers, but if companies made part time jobs as attractive as full time jobs it would be different story. Obviously the man ends up with full time job, because it is known men can faster build up their careers and second no matter what he will be earning more money, so if woman works they will be losing money. Companies need to make part time as attractive as part time. We also need to make women working full time instead of men attractive as well by paying women the same as men. Companies need to be part of solution to inequality.

SOLUTION: OPEN UP ALL SECTORS TO PART-TIME AND FLEXIBLE WORKING:

One of the reasons they say women are paid less is because they go for jobs in sectors with lower income. The only reason women do that is because next to their job, they also have full time job at home taking care of children so these jobs allow them to have more flexibility.

Companies need to make flexible working in every sector and while they are at that also make equal pay for every sector. We have advanced in so many ways so flexibility shouldn’t be a big problem. Opening flexibility in typical men’s occupations would entourage more women to work in them and also allow more men to work part time, which will result in equal career progress for both men and women.

SOLUTION: STOP PAYING WOMEN LESS THAN MEN FOR THE SAME ROLE:

This one is of course my favourite and most important one. The fact that women are still not getting paid the same amount for the same job as men is ridiculous. There needs to be strict law for all the companies that force them to pay women the same. Instead of being quite, how about we shame any company that pays woman less. Paying less should become culture embarrassment not something to be proud of.

Our society has always seen women as less and it is such a false belief, but unless we shame people for thinking this way nothing will chance. All these excuses like women earn less because they are not skilled or work less are so false. We keep getting reports from the same positions and same hours, and it is so not true that women can do less women can do as much as men can. Women won’t stand by this anymore. All of us won’t support companies that pay women less so they are forced to change.

So now that we gone over what companies can do, there are many more things they can do, but we go over them some other time. But the thing is yes they can do it, but will they do it? We don’t have a lot of control over companies are their actions, but we have full control over our actions. We need to focus on how we can be part of solution to inequality since that can also influence the change.

-Sharing salary information:

A lot of people think sharing you salary information is forbidden , but it is actually not. Of course many companies don’t want you do to so, but you have full right to do so. It is your own salary and you own information, therefore you have full right to share this information. No matter in what sector you work, if you are man or woman sharing this information online can really help bring awareness you this issues and push to change. Speaking up and sharing information will help with solution to inequality.

-Knowing the law:

If you noticed that you male co worker earns more than you in the same position, you have full right to complain. There is Law that has been made in 1963 that give you right to get paid as much as male. But sadly so many companies haven’t been monitored so they can easily get away with it. But if this is happening you need to complain about it. Of course no one should fight for their right. But it is what it is, you need to call them out on that.

-Bring awareness to this issues:

Talk to women in your circles, make them aware of this issues. Educate them and teach them what they can do to help fight this issues. You should also talk to men about it, bring awareness to them too. Because some men don’t even realise how big of issue this is. I feel talking about it can really help fight this issue.

-Donate to organisation that are fighting inequality:

There are so many wonderful organisation that are fighting inequality, donating either your time or money can really help them.

Here is organisation I really like: Equalsalary

-Share on social media:

Social media has become big part of our lives so sharing this issue on social media can help too. Share your thoughts and educate people anything will help.

-Cultivate negotiation skills

As women they don’t value us as much as they do men, so we really need to step up the negotiation skills. Having amazing negotiation skills they will have no reason to pay you less. When they see that you value yourself they will value you as well.

What do you think? What else can we do to help out to fight inequality? I think it won’t be easy, but for sure will be worth it! When this happens it will be beautiful change that everyone needed, so let’s believe in that.

I hope you enjoyed this mini series and you learned something from it. Comment down below letting me know what you learned.

Reminder: We all need to fight this issue even if you are a male!

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5 Proven Ways for Feminist to Deal with Online Hate

5 Proven Ways Ways for Feminist to Deal with Online Hate

As a feminist you are more open minded and see the world for what truly is, and not what our society wants us to see. You don’t just believe everything society tells us, but you dive deep. And find your truth, and probably more accurate truth. But see society does program us to believe what they like us to believe, so a lot of people on this earth have this mindset, a very close minded mindset. They don’t like to explore and see it for themselves.

They let society control their mind. So when feminist comes to speak up and tell the truth this of course is not good. You ruining close minded beliefs. They are so close minded, they need to keep these beliefs as long as possible. So you coming and ruining this for them won’t make them happy. So that is why most feminist get a lot of hate online.

Doesn’t matter

if you are just commenting or liking feminist stuff, or have feminist page or blog you will get hate. I remember one time on twitter when I barley had 100 followers I tweeted one thing about pro-life. I kid you not got over 100 comments from of course pro lifers. And I can tell you to this day that tweet has still the most comments. I can also tell you I have many haters who follow me, and they interact with every post I post, but of course in a hateful way.

So it really doesn’t matter in which way you are feminist,

as long as you are in a way voicing your opinion, you will have problem with them. This really does show that if they spend so much time hating on us, we do see how big issues they really have. But I don’t really care about them, and they are not the point of this post, but how all of us can take care of ourselves when this happens and how not to get to us.

Know who you are as a person, and that you opinion is 100% your truth:

In situation like this one, working on yourself really can come handy to you. Diving deep and learning who you truly are, getting to know yourself, your beliefs, and the way your form an opinion will really be helpful to you. Know yourself and knowing your own opinion will make yourself more confident. People won’t be able to easily make you question your own opinion. Invalidate your opinion won’t be easy anymore, because you know your opinion and that this is 100% your truth. You will know that we have different opinions, and that you have your own, and won’t easily backdown on your own opinion. You will let them say their own opinion, but you won’t be offended or triggered by them doing so. And most importantly your mental health won’t be in danger because of it.

Remember people who hate on others are actually reflecting how they feel about themselves:

As I said feminist are not friends to close minded people, because you make them question their beliefs and they don’t like it. And what make it even worse, your opinion probably makes more sense, but they don’t want it. They probably don’t even know arewhy they have these beliefs, so you having opposite beliefs for sure is triggering from them. I am also sure people who hate on others must have view insecurities anyways, doesn’t even have to be that they are unsure about their opinion and beliefs. It could be they in general feel not good in their own skin, so they need to take it out on someone.

Trust me when I say,

I have never experienced a person who is 100% happy with themselves to hate on others. If you are happy with yourself, you really have no need to to judge or hate others. You probably trigger them by simply having different opinion from most of people. It means you are confident enough and that triggers them too. Even though it seems they are simply hating on you, it has more to do with their own insecurities, and trust me it has little to do with you, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

Remember you can always block them:

Blocking does seem childish, and it shows them it is effecting you, but sometimes it is better to block them. Sometimes hate can get out of the hands and you need to block them. I remember I had this hater couple of moths ago. She was of course Trump supporter and would always comment on my post, like I should thank you for making my engagement higher. She would always comment opposite of my opinion. For example if post would be about pro choice, she would comment about pro life, and how pro choice is disgusting. And it was honestly very funny some things she said, but then it really got out of hands. She started hating on one of my followers, and she is teenager passionate about feminism.

Like she has right to be passionate about feminism,

and you can be against it, but what is not right, hating on someone for having different opinion than you. This old woman started hating on her and then the girl messaged me about it. She didn’t ask me to block her, but I didn’t like that she was hating on one of my followers, so I blocked her. I want my followers to feel comfortable commenting on my posts. So yes when it does go out of hands, you for sure should block them. It doesn’t mean they are getting to you, it means you need your peace. It means you are winning. Blocking someone doesn’t always mean they are getting to you. It means you care more about yourself than having higher engagement, plus who really cares if they think they won as long as you have peace.

Taking break from it is also okay:

Sometimes all the hate can really be too much. When taking too long to take a break, can sometimes damage your mental health. When you feel anxious about social media and the comments, please take the break. Or for a while just use it to take to your friends and maybe then just follow people who make you happy.

Lear how not to need validation from others:

Another aspect of working on yourself is also learning to love yourself. When you learn to love yourself, you won’t need validation from others. That will be huge plus for you and how to react to hate comments. When you don’t need validation, all these hate comments won’t bother you anymore. You will read them and would laugh at them, because they don’t mean anything to you. I feel most of us don’t like getting hate comments, because we are all so hungry for validation, and hate comments are just opposite of that.

Remember that whatever you do,

there will always be someone jealous of you, judging you, but why do you care? It is just some random stranger, who probably wouldn’t even be able to hate on you in real life. Ask yourself are you happy with yourself? If the answer is yes, that is all you need. The only validation you need is your own, everyone else don’t matter. Just learn to not give a fuck and not worry about what others think about you. Let’s just be real, if they are judging you, they probably are jealous instead of actually thinking something is wrong with you, why would they then be talking about you?

It is sometimes hard with the hate I get it, and you 100% are allowed to feel hurt and sad by it. But know that people hating on you probably see you are doing great things. Hate never comes from the place where they feel they are doing better, it is always opposite. Feeling like you are doing better will make any insecure person hateful towards you. It is not right, but sometimes insecurities can make you do crazy things. The only thing you can do is ignore it, and not let it get to you. Being confident in what you are doing will be the biggest revenge.

Reminder: Take of yourself first!

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Why do men get paid more than women?

Attention: this will be two part series, so make sure to come back next week for part 2. The first part will cover the WHY and the second HOW we can change this and WHAT we can do to change this.

It is no secret

that we live in society, that pays men more than women and have always been this way. We can go back wayyy back and it always has been this way. Maybe they got paid in some other ways, but always been paid more. It is obvious our society sees men as better and women as lower and of course this is not true, but they make it true.

Society doesn’t like

women to feel we are the same as men. So they do things to make sure we don’t think like this like for example paying women less. Getting paid less this will automatically make anyone feel less, because this is how our mind works, but is it true? No of course not, because women can do the same things men can and both genders are good enough. It is not right to pay women less for the same work. Only because society wants us to make less so men are the main providers doesn’t make it right. But this is not only factor why women get paid less, there are more factors that I am going to talk about in today’s article.

-Men get paid more than women for the same roles:

So the same role means the same hours, the same tasks and condition everything the same and yet men get paid more than women why? Well see they set average hourly or monthly for both men and women. Obviously for women is less so doesn’t matter if she has the same role. Her average is not the same and that is the reason women even in the same role earn less. The only average that should exist is the average for hour and month. No average for gender or job everyone gets the same. It is not right that men get paid more than women for the doing the same work. I work hard as much as my male co worker and I also worked hard to get this role, so getting less is not right.

-Caring responsibilities and part-time roles are shared unequally

So they say women choices to stay at home to look after children. So she can only work part time and with part time job it is harder to advance in career therefore you have less salary. Well see I wouldn’t call a choice, when she is expected to work less so she is more at home with children. She doesn’t have a choice, she has to be stay at home mom, who works part time. No one asks woman is it okay for you to work less, where men have a choice.

Men can have full

time jobs and have family and of course it is easier for them to get more salary. Man expects this wife to stay at home, there is no big discussion about it. So how can she advance in her career and have chance at good salary, when people are limiting her chance. If men were more open to sharing responsibilities it wouldn’t be a problem.

-There are more men in senior roles than women

So senior positions

are positions that are the highest positions and of course with most salaries. I mean these positions also come with a lot of responsibility and it takes a lot of hard work to get there. But anyone would love to have position like this one and I don’t blame them.

But see most companies

created these position only for men or more positions like this for men. Like for example let’s say you work in Marketing department, and if your company needs senior position in marketing. It is most likely they will create this position for men. So even though you work hard you already don’t have chance to get it. And it is just not okay for companies to support this inequality, they should be pushing it. We need to let women earn as much as men do.

-Women choose to work in low-paid roles and sectors

It is known that,

secrets and roles done by women and low-paid and wonder why? So women can earn less and men can earn more. The whole system is created just for men if you think about it. We shouldn’t be paid one sector more and one less or paying certain roles more. But especially when we noticed women work in these roles, we shouldn’t push this inequality.

Another argument

for this is, that women choose the low-paid sectors, because they offer more flexibility and are family-friendly. See not a choice, because women don’t get enough support from men so they are forced to go into these jobs. Women need to make sure jobs are family-friendly because their partners aren’t. It should be other way around their partner should be family-friendly and job shouldn’t because they will have better salary then.

As you can see

reasons why women don’t get the same salary as men is quite unfair. This entire system was made just so it suits men. So men keep earning more and always have more power. It is not right for men to get more salary for the same role, when you do the same job you should get the same salary.

Women shouldn’t

have to choice career or family. No one should force woman to be stay at home mom, the responsibilities should be equally divided. Woman can work as much as her husband and both of them can have far chance in being successful. Forcing mother to stay at home is society making sure women doesn’t earn more. You are limiting her potential and it is not right. But now we can chance to change this, it will take time but it is possible. And you too can be part of this beautiful chance, stay tune to next week’s article to see how you can help.

Reminder: We all deserve equal salaries

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