A reader writes:
I’m a 53-year-old girl. I’ve simply gone by means of a shocking, disappointing, and painful breakup, and to date I’m coping and conserving my turmoil out of the office.
As a single girl in years previous, I’ve taken to touring the few days surrounding my Valentine’s Day and my birthday (which is close to Valentine’s Day) to keep away from moping. I flip it round and do some charity work, or study a brand new talent, or go to household. In different phrases, I’m plucky. In gentle of this current breakup, that is likely to be welcome.
This yr, that’s not an choice, as a result of my firm is sending me to an essential, high-level assume tank convention February 12-16 in a close-by metropolis. The convention has courses and discussions in the course of the day but in addition has a networking occasion every evening. The networking occasion is at all times a dinner, and it’s strongly urged that we attend. This nightly networking is important to my employer and is likely one of the most important causes they’re sending me.
Sadly, the organizers have now realized that a type of nights is Valentine’s Day, they usually felt dangerous for making us work on Valentine’s evening. To unravel this, they’re making that evening’s networking occasion a “Sweetheart’s Dinner.” Every participant invitations their important different (close by of us), and {couples} will share a spherical desk — maybe three {couples} to a desk. I simply noticed the seating chart, and I’m the one participant who shouldn’t be on it, as a result of it was defined to me that I’m the one one that shouldn’t be a part of a pair, not bringing a visitor. They’re attempting to determine the place to place me.
The dinner has been introduced and everybody else is trying ahead to it, so it’s too late to ask anybody to vary it now. I do know I may skip it, however that is the most important evening of the convention with individuals in attendance who gained’t be there the remainder of the time, so it could be a obvious omission if I didn’t attend. (Once more, this isn’t only a dinner. It’s closely love-themed with a photograph sales space, in addition to “inform us the way you met” and “how properly have you learnt one another” actions.)
I supplied to assist with the dinner in some way so I gained’t really feel so … uncovered … however the organizers gained’t hear of it. I’m a visitor they usually need me to benefit from the dinner, too.
I don’t know what to do. I feel my solely choice is to take a seat there (as soon as they’ve discovered a spot to place me) and grin and bear it for the three-plus hours … however not simply grin and bear it, however take part meaningfully.
Thanks for listening. I suppose I simply wanted to put in writing all that out to determine what my choices are. I don’t assume I’ve acquired many, however that’s okay. I can do it. Gah.
Is that this close by metropolis … not on planet Earth? However slightly on some planet the place attending your important different’s work convention is seen as a extremely sought-after Valentine’s Day exercise?
As a result of I’m baffled that the convention organizers assume this can be a good concept, and actually skeptical that everybody else is trying ahead to it (in addition to that you simply’re the one convention attendee who’s not a part of a pair or bringing a visitor).
Who’re these individuals who wish to attend their associate’s work dinner for Valentine’s Day?
And who wish to play “how properly have you learnt one another” couple video games in entrance of labor colleagues who they’re there to community with?
Really, that is extremely odd.
Anyway, I feel you will have three choices:
1. Speak to the organizers and be extra candid this time: “Actually, I really feel actually awkward about attending a couples-themed occasion alone; it sounds actually uncomfortable. It will be an unlimited favor to me if you happen to gave me a special position, like (insert stuff you’re keen to do to assist out).” Frankly, you’d be doing them a favor by spelling this out as a result of it’d nudge them into realizing this can be a dangerous concept that they shouldn’t repeat.
2. Go, however with the willpower to search out it hilarious as a result of it’s. Really feel sorry for the numerous others who acquired roped into this, and take psychological notes in your upcoming sitcom script. Drink closely. Ostentatiously hog the picture sales space. Give your self permission to go away early.
3. Decide out. Is there actually going to be helpful networking that occurs that evening that you may’t do on different nights of the convention? I do know you stated there will likely be individuals there who gained’t be attending on different nights so perhaps this isn’t an choice, however I query how helpful it’s actually going to be, significantly when balanced towards how awkward you’re feeling about it.
4. Rent an escort and file for reimbursement as a enterprise expense. Be extraordinarily trustworthy in the course of the “inform us the way you met” and “how properly have you learnt one another” actions.
Sorry you’re coping with this.
