our worker needs fixed reassurance that he is ok — Ask a Supervisor

A reader writes:

I’m a associate in a small agency. There are three companions working full-time, three further full-time workers, and one part-time worker. We offer assist and coaching for a distinct segment software program, so our workdays are closely buyer dealing with. The business we assist can be closely customer-facing. All of us got here out of the business we assist, so have a powerful service orientation in the direction of our clients.

One among our workers, George, is an absolute buyer favourite. He constantly will get the best reward for his interactions. He does a terrific job, and we let him know this. He’s labored with us for 9 years, and earlier than that we had been colleagues at one other firm.

Nonetheless, he’s very insecure. Over time it’s grown from needing random affirmation — “No you aren’t going to lose your job, why would you suppose that?” — to each dialog beginning with “Am I going to lose my job?” to which we reply “No, everybody loves you, why would you suppose that?”

Final yr George was given an inside mission to implement a brand new system that ended up being above their skillset. The mission failed. We moved on with one of many companions taking the mission over. We’ve let George know that this was on us, not him, and no, he’s not going to lose his job over it, however he’s now having well being points that he feels are associated to the stress of labor and this mission comes up in dialog.

George has mentioned to us he feels uninvolved and doesn’t suppose he’s contributing sufficient to the corporate or that his contributions are subpar. We’ve advised him again and again that we’re happy along with his involvement and contribution stage, to no avail. He’ll search for further duties, to the purpose of interjecting himself into different workflows, although we’ve advised him to not. At this level, he’s contemplating leaving the job for health-related causes due to job stress.

I perceive George needs to present it his all for the purchasers and the corporate, however we are able to’t persuade him that the is doing an excessive amount of and must step again a bit. He has rejected the thought of utilizing the EAP. Do you’ve gotten a suggestion?

It’s okay if he decides to go away as a result of the job is just too aggravating for him! It’s okay even in the event you don’t see any motive why it ought to stress him out a lot; for no matter motive, it does.

If you happen to hadn’t already tried to deal with that, my recommendation can be totally different. In that case I’d let you know he’s sending up a cry for assist that it’s essential take critically, by taking a tough have a look at his workload. However this sounds fairly clearly like a George difficulty, not a job difficulty. If that’s the case, shifting on to a unique setting could also be what’s finest for him.

If you happen to haven’t already, it’s price sitting down with him and saying, “I’m actually involved to listen to you’re beneath a lot stress. We worth your work and need to assist if we are able to. I’d such as you to take a while to consider particular modifications that will assist — whether or not it’s workload, workflow, the best way assignments come to you, or further assist you want. If you happen to consider specifics, we need to hear them. I can’t promise we’ll be capable of do all the things you recommend, however I can promise that we genuinely need to know extra and can attempt to make issues work if we are able to.” The thought is to determine that you simply’re actively encouraging him to boost particular issues you are able to do in your finish. You may’t assist with free-floating stress, however you possibly can assist with concrete measures if he thinks of any.

On the similar time … George is asking you to tackle lots of emotional labor in your facet to repeatedly reassure him that he’s useful sufficient and gained’t lose his job. It sounds such as you’ve had these conversations so many instances that it’s time to simply accept that no quantity of repeating them will make the message sink in. There’s no quantity of repetition and no magic phrases that may make George consider you. That’s actually unhappy! That’s a troublesome method for him to stay. However you possibly can’t hold doing that labor again and again.

That doesn’t imply you need to be callous about it, however it does imply that it’s best to considerably reduce how a lot vitality you spend money on attempting to persuade and reassure him. It’s okay to change from in-depth conversations about his insecurities to a lot shorter, breezier responses that don’t take a lot vitality –“Nope, all the things’s nice!” / “All’s good on our finish!” — after which depart it there moderately than attempting to dig into why he thinks in any other case. You’ve had these conversations, they don’t resolve issues, and also you’re not doing him any favors by indulging in those self same explorations again and again. Setting limits could finally push him to hunt out the form of assist he actually wants with this and which you as his employer aren’t ready to supply (notably since he’s rejected your EAP).