the fraudulent bread pudding, the fig struggle, and different meals tales from work — Ask a Supervisor

All this week to get us within the vacation spirit, I’m going to be that includes vacation work tales readers have shared right here up to now … after which updates season will begin subsequent week!

To kick us off, listed below are 12 of my favourite tales you shared about potlucks and different meals gatherings at work earlier this month.

1. The savage

“It was your common workplace vacation season potluck. The room was festively embellished, due to some volunteers with vacation cheer, and Christmas music was taking part in on somebody’s laptop computer. A colleague introduced in a complete rotisserie rooster from the grocery retailer and positioned it with the opposite meals. It was sizzling and recent – a beautiful contribution – delivered only a few minutes earlier than individuals would start submitting into the room to make their plates. ‘I’m going to go seize a knife from the kitchen so I can carve it up,’ my colleague stated as she exited the room.

Pricey reader, what occurred subsequent nonetheless haunts me to this very day. One of many workplace’s extra chaotic characters stepped as much as the buffet and introduced {that a} knife was not wanted. She then proceeded to tear the rooster carcass aside together with her naked, unwashed palms. One other colleague and I watched in horror as she savagely tore the rooster limb from limb, her palms dripping with grease from the succulent, now ravaged meat. Within the distance, Mariah Carey was singing (or was she screaming?). Our obligation was now to warn the others. ‘Don’t eat the rooster,’ we whispered as extra company started filling up the room. ‘Don’t eat the rooster.’”

2. The divinity sweet

“Across the holidays, it’s commonplace for our workplace break room to comprise an assortment of treats gifted to us from distributors or prospects. A number of years in the past throughout this most festive time of yr, I seen a tray of what regarded like divinity sweet sitting out on the break room desk. Divinity just isn’t my favourite vacation sweet, but it surely was early within the season, and the pickings have been slim, so I made a decision to have a chunk. Simply as I took a chew, a coworker walked in and stated, ‘Oh! You’re attempting out my sweet – let me know what you consider it!’ By this time the chew had nicely and really settled on my palate, and let me let you know, I had opinions. Being a well mannered kind of particular person in actual life, I used to be hesitant to inform her what I assumed (which might have been troublesome with out swallowing, which was not an choice at this level), however I can let you know – it tasted like a canine turd rolled in powdered sugar. Or what I assume a canine turd would style like, having by no means sampled a canine turd myself. I stepped round my coworker to seize a paper towel to ostensibly wipe my mouth (and discreetly spit out the offending ‘sweet’), then turned again round to handle my coworker. ‘I don’t assume I’ve ever had something prefer it,’ says I, in what I hope was a nice voice. ‘What’s it known as?’ Coworker replies, ‘I haven’t actually considered a reputation for it – it’s simply one thing I experimented with.’ Then she tells me how she made it.

Y’all. It was mashed potatoes. And never even actual potatoes, however the boxed potato flakes. Ready within the regular method with butter, milk and salt, then blended with peanut butter, Karo syrup, and powdered sugar, then rolled in one other wholesome dose of powdered sugar. Pricey coworker had made too many mashed potatoes for dinner the evening earlier than, and in an effort to not waste meals, had determined to attempt her hand as a confectioner. I’m having flashbacks of the nauseating taste and texture simply typing this out. So gross. So, so gross. I mumbled one thing well mannered that most likely got here out as extra of an ‘Oh! Hrrmm, attention-grabbing’ or related, then bolted from the room to warn the remainder of my coworkers NOT to attempt the ‘divinity’ within the break room.”

3. The chili

“Work did a chili cook-off. We had a pair staff who don’t eat meat who mainly obtained mocked by a number of different coworkers (assume these guys who proudly brag about how they gained’t eat greens and ‘choose the inexperienced bits out’ of rooster pot pie, and so forth.) once they talked about bringing vegetarian chili.

I obtained right into a Temper about it, and my Moods could be … petty. I made a decision to carry a vegan choice (I wasn’t vegan in anyway). I spoke to associates of mine who’re, although, obtained all their greatest recipe suggestions, examined and labored on it for a month and a half main up. We ate a lot vegan chili. We have been so sick of it, however I used to be certain and decided to determine this out as a result of I hate individuals who assume it’s hilarious to make different individuals really feel unhealthy about what they eat.

I entered my vegan chili within the cook-off however no one listed substances so that you didn’t know whose chili had what and it might be ‘so and so’s secret recipe,’ though after all the vegetarian coworker who participated made a veggie model, and so forth.

The coworkers who had mocked my vegetarian coworkers additionally mocked their bean-based chili choices, after all (their chili was so good truly!).

They LOVED mine, which to them had what regarded like meat in it. Talked it up!

I defined it was vegan.

Not a single animal product concerned.

Although I didn’t win something, I sort of nonetheless felt like I did after I noticed the look on the one man’s face.”

4. The lactose revenge

“A number of of my coworkers are painfully lactose illiberal. I additionally work with a particularly numerous group of individuals so something cheese- and meat-related isn’t optimum because of non secular causes. I compiled a listing of catering locations of the same worth vary however with extra non-dairy choices and requested the admin to please think about actually any choices as pizza excludes 30% of the workplace.

She refused. It’s all the time pizza for firm lunches and catering, even with holidays.

The Fart Wars have begun. A coordinated crop dusting assault of lactose illiberal individuals with simply sufficient Lactaid in themselves to not create a large number will stroll handed her desk within the tiny welcome space.”

5. The bread pudding

“I make an superior bread pudding, if I do say so myself. The explanation it’s so superior is I make it utilizing pound cake. At a way back job, I took it to the primary vacation potluck I attended there. I introduced alongside copies of the recipe as a result of hey, somebody all the time asks for it. The depraved witch of the finance division (I’ve labored with many beautiful finance departments — she drove off so many staff in her division, together with three finance administrators within the 5 years I labored there, however that’s one other story) raised a stink about the way it was NOT bread pudding – it had no bread! And there’s no such factor as cake pudding, what was I attempting to drag? She accused me of attempting to invent one thing and it simply shouldn’t be carried out, particularly at a potluck the place if you happen to join a dessert, you could carry a standard potluck dessert, not one thing made up!

Within the days forward, she filed a grievance with HR as after studying the recipe carefully, she found I used a boxed pound cake combine and advisable a particular generic model that, for my part, made a improbable pound cake. The HR director danced round a powerful suggestion that in future I not carry a bread pudding made with pound cake – this was a metropolis authorities and there have been unions concerned and finance witch spent quite a lot of time being recommended however by no means crossed a line to something fireable.

So subsequent yr, I introduced a bread pudding made with chocolate croissants. There was a hissy match of epic proportions however each crumb of my bread pudding was gone be the top of the potluck.”

(The recipe is right here.)

6. The most effective and brightest

“I labored in a tech firm years in the past which had an enormous institutional ego downside, as in ‘we solely rent one of the best and brightest, and so forth.’ and we obtained each our common toaster and toaster oven taken away from us, the previous as a result of somebody tried to make a grilled cheese in it apparently not understanding the thermoplastic nature of cheese and setting the (vertical) toaster on fireplace when it melted onto the heating component (as above) and the latter for placing a slice of pizza wrapped in plastic wrap and melting the plastic, filling the kitchen with petroleum-product-based smoke and fumes.

So, simply in case you ever really feel a creeping inferiority complicated round somebody who went to Harvard or MIT … don’t.

7. The stealth celebration

“At former office: On a Wednesday, my direct supervisor instructed me that she was shopping for lunch for me and her different direct stories as a vacation celebration. Sounds good! Then she tells me it’s a secret and if anybody asks, to say it’s a gathering. Okaaaay, little bizarre however whatevs — free meals.

Thursday, as deliberate, all of us go to her workplace. There’s meals, however we’re all crammed into her workplace, the door is closed, and he or she mentions that her boss doesn’t know that we’re having this celebration and he or she doesn’t need him to seek out out. Errr, okay? She tells us that we’re doing an excellent job (yay!) it doesn’t matter what anybody else would possibly say (wait, what?) and to eat and luxuriate in. It’s awkward.

At one level, there’s a knock on the door and my boss sidles as much as the door and sticks her head out. It’s the one that handles payroll and he or she is clearly confused why she will’t come within the workplace, however nonetheless she tells boss that she has processed the paperwork for the raises and simply wants my boss to log out on them. So now we’re all questioning who’s getting a increase. (Spoiler: It wasn’t me!) My boss is clearly regretting attempting to carry stealth assembly/celebration and kind of kicks us all out after that.”

8. The figs

At a Thanksgiving celebration in my previous workplace we had a HUGE cheese and fruit plate that had an enormous mound of entire figs. A number of individuals within the workplace had by no means seen a complete fig earlier than. One requested, ‘What’s this?’ Another person stated, ‘It’s a fig.’ ‘A what?’ “a fig. You already know, a fig.’ ‘What’s a fig?’ Others joined in (presumably emboldened by the wine that was out there): ‘A fig is a fig is a fig!’ ‘Are you figging kidding me, you don’t know what a fig is?’

Lastly somebody shouted, ‘I don’t give a flying fig!’ which prompted somebody to throw a fig. It turned a sport of dodge fig. Fortunately the skirmish was restricted to figs, that are simple to wash up (and I’ve no downside with wiping off a stray fig and consuming it – no sense in losing it).

One colleague evidently collected a variety of them and over the following few months individuals would discover figs mysteriously showing on their keyboards, of their desk drawers, of their mail containers…”

9. The coffin

“Just a few jobs in the past, I used to be the supervisor of a entrance line group in a theme park/hospitality adjoining enterprise. We got a funds of $500 a month from our company workplace for morale/team-building, and a variety of the instances, that meant meals. (Earlier than individuals are available and say we should always have been giving raises as an alternative of pizza events, I completely agree, and it was one thing I fought actually laborious for … however on the finish of the day, I wasn’t the one that dictated labor budgets and didn’t have the facility to make remaining selections.)

One time, I made a decision, as a enjoyable Halloween deal with, to get a coffin of donuts from VooDoo Donuts — it was 50 or so donuts displayed in a literal 3-4 foot pinewood coffin. It was a nightmare to hold to my automotive from the store, and from my automotive to our work places — I obtained so many odd appears haha. The group LOVED it — the donuts have been scrumptious, and the coffin was tremendous enjoyable and distinctive … however instantly began inflicting huge fights. Just a few completely different individuals determined that the coffin was up for grabs, and insisting that it will be going house with them. I needed to step in and say that the coffin wasn’t going house with anybody, which prompted a number of kidnap makes an attempt, in addition to individuals operating to different leaders on the group, attempting to get permission even if I already stated no. It culminated in a screaming struggle between a few my staff (a recognized troublemaker and, surprisingly, one in all my quietest staff) which I needed to break up.

I then promptly eliminated the coffin from the widespread break space the place it was clearly inflicting issues, moved it to the management workplace, and wrote ‘PROPERTY OF BUSINESS – DO NOT REMOVE’ in huge daring letters on the aspect. It lived there for a number of months, and at one level we used it to carry varied paper provides. I supposed to finally raffle it off to an worker in a good approach to get it out of our workplace, however then the pandemic shut our enterprise down. I do not know the place that coffin ended up, however I’m assuming somebody on the crew introduced in to interrupt the enterprise area down noticed their alternative and ferreted it away.”

10. The key ingredient

“A few years in the past, a colleague made a crockpot dish for an after-work workplace celebration. The dish was scrumptious – each morsel eaten.

Days later, the coworker confided in me when he dropped his provides within the kitchen early that morning, he plugged within the crockpot not realizing it on, actually set on ‘excessive.’ Contained in the crockpot have been the tomatoes he deliberate to make use of IN A PLASTIC PRODUCE BAG. At lunchtime, he went to assemble his dish so it may warmth all afternoon. The plastic bag had fully melted into the now-cooked tomatoes. Unsure what to do (???), he simply added the remainder of the substances, let it prepare dinner all afternoon, and served it!”

11. The lacking slice

“At a celebration for one thing I can’t bear in mind a girl introduced a fantastic hand-crafted cake … with one slice lacking. A small signal on a toothpick was caught within the cake: ‘Larry was right here.’ (Larry being the baker’s hubby.)”

12. The farm

“One yr, as a group constructing exercise, my firm had us go to a neighborhood farm that was one of many huge sights of town, and the exercise was for us to arrange our personal 1890’s fashion meal working with a wooden fired range, campfire, and different nineteenth century instruments and abilities. They broke us into teams and every group ready part of the meal. The worst half was was that it was open air on a 96 diploma day, and among the work was strenuous and troublesome. The individuals who labored there have been speculated to be there to assist, however if you happen to requested them questions they have been tremendous imprecise and sort of patronizing.

There have been SO many points, like not sufficient cooking utensils, the campfire range took method too lengthy boil water for the potatoes, and … one particular person actually had a coronary heart assault and needed to go to the ER.

After we completed we needed to sit on picnic tables open air, and all of us regarded ragged like we’d been by means of one thing traumatic. Then in spite of everything that, all of us needed to clear the tables and wash all of the dishes, take the trash out, and so forth. Nearly nobody was into it, and we haven’t carried out a team-building exercise since.”