It’s “the place are you now?” month at Ask a Supervisor, and all December I’m working updates from individuals who had their letters right here answered up to now.
There might be extra posts than normal this week, so preserve checking again all through the day.
Bear in mind the letter-writer whose coworker made a creepy move at her (#2 on the hyperlink)? Right here’s the replace.
I’ve an replace relating to my coworker, “Mac,” who advised me my attractive librarian vibe was an issue for him. Studying your response and all of the feedback was very illuminating! I had been feeling as if I’d one way or the other introduced it upon myself, however you and the commentariat actually opened my eyes to the fact of this being fully on Mac.
I’m slightly ashamed to confess I used to be too rooster to carry it as much as Mac straight, however I made a degree of avoiding his normal paths and efficiently dodged him for 2 weeks straight. Final Friday he got here to my work station and requested if every part was alright, and mentioned, “I really feel such as you’ve been avoiding me!” Nicely. I took a deep breath, summoned all of the Resting Bitch Face I may muster, and mentioned, “Mac, you implied that your lack of ability to handle your pants feels within the office was one way or the other my fault for trying like a ‘attractive librarian.’ How precisely would you counsel I deal with such gross feedback sooner or later if not with avoidance?” His neck and ears turned shiny crimson and he mentioned one thing alongside the traces of, “Uh… I’m sorry… I didn’t… sorry…” then actually turned heel and fast-walked away. I believe I used to be in a state of nervous shock afterwards — my ears have been ringing and I felt surprisingly tingly — but additionally extremely pleased with myself.
Very first thing Monday morning, Mac got here to my work station once more and gave me what gave the impression to be a honest apology. He mentioned there was no excuse for his remark, it was out of line and he was being an fool not considering of the implications, that it might by no means occur once more, and requested if there was any approach he may make it as much as me. I thanked him for apologizing and mentioned I don’t suppose that is one thing that you just actually “make up” to somebody, however to please actually guarantee he by no means says something like that once more. He reiterated it might completely by no means occur once more and requested if I assumed I may ever forgive him. I advised him that whereas I settle for his apology, it’ll take time to maneuver ahead and that I don’t actually know what that may appear like and to please give me area and time, summing it up with “it’ll be what it’ll be, please don’t attempt to pressure it.” He mentioned, “In fact. Once more, I’m so sorry,” and left my workstation.
I believe I would like a while to course of Mac’s apology and the way I really feel about him transferring ahead. I’m nonetheless struggling to reconcile the pal I assumed I knew with the lecher that made that remark and now with the seemingly penitent dope I noticed as we speak. Individuals are sophisticated. However I at the least really feel like I can return to taking no matter route I need to get from level A to level B and I received’t be strolling on eggshells anxious about doubtlessly working into him. I believe we are able to trade trivia and transfer about with out subject now.
Thanks a lot to your response, and to the commentariat as effectively. Particularly consumer Falling Diphthong for absolutely the gem of a phrase “pants feels” which I’ll love ceaselessly, and customers higheredadmin, SarahKay, and Awkwardness for his or her suggestion that I follow responses for once I inevitably needed to confront Mac. I don’t suppose I may have managed the response I did with out having taken that recommendation. You guys are wonderful!
